The Story of Bill Browning
As told to us by his partner Howard Ehrlich

Bill Browning died peacefully in the arms of his partner in life Howard Ehrlich on March 27, 1995. Elton John had just concluded singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" at the Academy Awards show. In a journal which Billy left for Howie and friends "to see after I pass," Billy wrote "Can You Feel the Live Tonight - Elton John (To my Howie)."

Billy was born on November 2, 1961 in Wallace, Idaho. Despite the many harsh cruelties of the world which he experienced, Billy became a kind and gentle soul with extraordinary wisdom. His serenity was a thing of beauty. He loved children, and was thrilled to be an uncle of choice for Alex, Erin and Koby. He had a special affinity for nature, especially the frogs who, when he lived in the woods in early life, were his only friends. He loved his dogs Judd and Zack, and his cat Willy. His connection with nature is expressed in the following passage from his journal:

I noticed the beautiful leaves of the maple tree and thought that even through death they are beautiful, and somehow that is when they are their most beautiful - when they are dying. I could relate to their process and I hope that's what happens to me.

Billy was beautiful, even in death.

He had a wonderful sense of humour. When Billy and Howie first met and Howie told him that he was a lawyer, Billy said, "What were you last night, a doctor?" On their motor trip down the California coast, after numerous mostly bemused and, occasionally hostile reactions (i.e. the "finger") to Howie's driving, Billy finally pointed out to Howie the "nobody knows we're gay" sticker which he had placed on the back of the car at the commencement of their trip. Upon being asked by the seemingly solitary heterosexual on the flight to the March on Washington whether he was in the military, Billy replied "Well yes I am, but not the military you're talking about!"

Billy never lost touch with his inner child. He and Rosez (Billy's soul mate and sister of choice) loved to play like little kids. Billy, Dwon and Markie shared crazy times on Capitol Hill.

He loved surprises. The highlight of 1994 for him was a surprise vacation to Miami Beach he planned for himself and Howie. "Oh what fun!" - he recorded in his journal - "he will be so excited!"

When he was first diagnosed in 1992, Billy decided to live each day to the fullest possible extent. He and Howie went on numerous vacations, were married at "The Wedding" at the March on Washington and attended the Stonewall celebration at the Gay Games. He opened the Albion Guest House, a bed and breakfast catering to lesbian and gay travellers. He loved his bed and breakfast. He achieved his dream of being listed in "Best Places to Stay in the Pacific Northwest." Billy was particularly touched by a recent visit with Baby "R", who was conceived at the Albion, and her two mothers. Howard will continue operating the Albion, continuing Billy's commitment to cater to our community.

It was his personal growth of which Billy was the most proud. He was fiercely independent and a great listener. He recorded in his journal that "we are here to learn. Once we do - on down the wagon trail we go to the next lesson - God damn it!" Billy "accomplished self worth and self love", both of which "made [his] life worth it." Billy conquered alcoholism and was in recovery for over seven years. Rosez taught him that it was o.k. to cry. He was rigorously honest and recorded that "honesty keeps me sober". He learned a lot from his relationship with Howie, and felt lucky to love and be loved unconditionally and "without judgment or reservation." He was proud of being gay and openly held hands with Howie when they went out together.

Billy was as beautiful emotionally as he was physically, and the great substance of his soul is revealed in the following extract, again from his journal:

Seldom I take the time to think about what HIV has given me. I'm always thinking and being reminded of what is and might be taken away.

It has given me life "to live" not to contemplate but just to do it.

It has given me the will to look at who I really am and love that.

It has given me the quiet time to think - think - think - helped me realize that there is no real reason for anything in life except "just because" or "that's the way it is."

I have learned to listen to my body and to be gentle with it - it is a wonderful feeling.

Feelings. I've learned that tomorrow might be filled with nothing - better feel today - bad, sad, mad, glad, happy, serene - all of them.

It has allowed me growth in all areas - I have to live like today is the best day in the world.

It has given me the wisdom to know that it is!!

Billy has left signs to indicate that he exists in another form and that he is o.k. His "honey bunny" will always carry his deep and enduring love for Billy in his heart.

A Loving Spoonful’s monthly donor’s club has beem re-named "Bill’s Kitchen" in honour of Billy.

Bill Browning on the Memorial